Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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