i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
