Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dignity is for republicans.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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