I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
