Me. At least after what I've been through.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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