I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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