I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
