Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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