I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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