I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
