Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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