How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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