Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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