You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
