Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
