she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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