Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
