Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
