Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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