He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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