I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
