dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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