the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
