WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize