I should be sponsored by Trojan
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
