after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
