I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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