how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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