i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
