Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
