I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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