my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize