do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
