There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
