you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
