Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
