Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
