I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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