This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
