I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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