3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had to cum in my sink.
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