So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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