Swine flu is the new snow day.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I enjoy the company of your penis
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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