omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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