take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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