There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize