I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
