His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
