i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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