I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
