It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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