I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
