roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
as a side note pls kill me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
