i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
