This girl is more easily done than said...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
