Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
