the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
