she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize