either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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