The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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