You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
