Fine. I'll sleep in my office
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
