You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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