Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
