I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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