You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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