We got so high we made milksteak
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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