You just made me feel so damn special
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
