You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
