I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
