And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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