i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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