Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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