beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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