Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
