see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sext me about skeletons
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
