you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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