Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
