people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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