Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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