if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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