he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize