pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
