I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My pussy is not your playground.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
