why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize