I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
