I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
