So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
