Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
