I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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