I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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