My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
