He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
