He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize