she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
