its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
