And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
