can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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