I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So squirting runs in the family.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
