Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
